As we come into the holiday season, many of us reflect back on the “old days” – and sometimes they seem more poignant now than when they were happening! One question that has always haunted me is what is the difference between being an elder and being elderly? Is it like the difference between a “tween” and a teen?
Seems more serious than that – but should it? I can only use my own life as an example. My mother was always a “pistol” ; always full of life and full of love. When she moved in with me she was already 80! But I would not have called her elderly. My mother smiled a big smile. She nodded as if she understood you, when she could not hear a word someone said even with her hearing aid in (except when I was with her and had to repeat everything directly into her ear). She would throw kisses at every baby that passed, waved at people who smiled at her. She was, in a word, happy. She enjoyed life. It was all a big adventure to her. While she was an elder, over the years, she grew elderly. In the 13 years she lived with me, the change was clear. But I tried as best as I could to TREAT her as an elder, while I CARED for her, in many cases, as the elderly woman she was becoming. For the last years she and I had traded the role of the one who gave and the one who received. My mom still is the elder of the family in everyone’s mind. Only in her physical frailty is she elderly. So try to see the difference. Treat the person with the respect due a wise elder. Treat the body gently as one that has aged and become elderly.
Seems more serious than that – but should it? I can only use my own life as an example. My mother was always a “pistol” ; always full of life and full of love. When she moved in with me she was already 80! But I would not have called her elderly. My mother smiled a big smile. She nodded as if she understood you, when she could not hear a word someone said even with her hearing aid in (except when I was with her and had to repeat everything directly into her ear). She would throw kisses at every baby that passed, waved at people who smiled at her. She was, in a word, happy. She enjoyed life. It was all a big adventure to her. While she was an elder, over the years, she grew elderly. In the 13 years she lived with me, the change was clear. But I tried as best as I could to TREAT her as an elder, while I CARED for her, in many cases, as the elderly woman she was becoming. For the last years she and I had traded the role of the one who gave and the one who received. My mom still is the elder of the family in everyone’s mind. Only in her physical frailty is she elderly. So try to see the difference. Treat the person with the respect due a wise elder. Treat the body gently as one that has aged and become elderly.
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